Courage

So I realized that I am the worst at taking compliments. I have had people call me beautiful and I just don't know how to take it. I know I'm not hideous, but I have a hard time believing what people say. A part of me thinks that when someone compliments me it's because A. they feel bad or B. they want something from me. It probably has a lot to do with how I was raised. My mom has always told me to be careful and not to get too close to people. It also didn't help that growing up I had a poor self image from being put down constantly and being told I wasn't pretty enough or smart enough. I know I am smart, I know I am beautiful, and whatever anyone says I am a really good person. So why do I have such a hard time hearing it from other people? I have been told I give off an air of confidence, which I don't get at all.

All I want to do is enjoy life and be happy. I am so afraid of doing the things I want to do for fear of rejection, but honestly what do I have to lose? I want to try something new. I want to do what I want to do without over analyzing it. Courage is what I need. After all my motto is, No Regrets! Be A Man!

Blessed

He picked his sister up off of her knees and told her to never let anyone bring her down. Knowing her heart, he tells her to be patient because none of them deserve a girl like her...

Sometimes I just want to find the one and be in the point of my life where I am married and have a stable career, but I have to remember to be patient and my time will come. I have never heard words so sincere and breathtaking directed towards me. I am really lucky to have Adam as my brother. I don't mean to embarrass him, but I want to put this here so I can always remember just like the texts I keep every time I empty my inbox.  I know there will come a time very soon when I can't talk to him whenever I want to. I'm dreading not being able to talk to him once he ships off to the military, but I know in my heart that we will always be in touch. He has been a blessing to me and I can never thank him enough for everything he has done for me.  

A friend of mine wrote "friends come and go, family is forever. that is not to say that you should not treasure your friends, but be able to distinguish between those that will forever be close to you as family and those that you will lose to time." I completely agree with this. There are very few friends that I have grown to consider my family, but that makes them all the more special. I know I can trust these people with anything just like I can trust my real family.

Axell has really become my best friend in Denton. I have never felt so close to anyone and had them as a constant support. I can trust her to never judge me and we are so similar that her opinion is like seeing my life from the outside looking in. My dearest Julia is another blessing. We met over a bad situation, but it was like we were brought together to make each other stronger. We have been inseparable since we met. I could go on for days about the people who make my life so blessed, but I should probably stop now. My point is as long as you have people who love you, you can get through anything. Look around  you and see how blessed you are. I thank God for the people in my life.

Fab-Friend!

Last night was a blast. I went to the Hydrant and saw a couple of awesome bands! Wombology, Ready Steady and Human Groove Hormone were legit. Watching HGH perform was the highlight of my night. Schumacher is a trip, I wish he still lived in Bruce. It was never a dull moment with him last year. They will all be performing again very soon at Bruce Jam. It was good seeing everyone out though =] After that we went to see a drag show hosted by GLAD at a gay bar. I could honestly say it was a blast! I love gay people =] It was a lot of fun. I met a few interesting people. My friend and I met someone who was born as a girl, but is transitioning into a guy, but was dressed in drag as a queen and is into guys. Confused? It's so awesome that someone would have the strength to go to such lengths to do what it takes to feel comfortable in their own skin. So, I am not a stranger to the term "fag-hag." I have been told it's a term of endearment, but I prefer not to be called a hag and I just don't like the word fag. My friends and I came up with a new term for it, "fab-friend!" Yep, that's me! If my mother only knew ;D

Maneater.

Maneater. I hate it when a girl is so obviously a maneater. What's worse is that the guys don't see it, no matter how much you warn them. It starts by her being so bubbly and friendly, to some obviously flirting... with everyone. Not just one, but multiple guys. Yah it's okay until someone gets hurt. Then the girl has them hooked. It's like she collects the guy like a card in her deck. She even makes it so bad for him that he's willing to be just the option. Obviously I'm ranting about someone, but this is my space to do it. I hate standing there watching my friends get hurt. I swear I want to deck this girl, but I'm better than that.

I've been so up and down lately. I have had a bad few weeks. I just hate being treated like crap. I'm pretty, smart, and have a great sense of humor. I don't care who you are, I won't change myself to conform to what you want me to be. I am ME. I spent most of my life hiding behind my friends and keeping my emotions so bottled up. I refuse to go back to that. I am so much happier in my own skin. When I see people in the shell I so clearly used to be in, I try to crack it. I want to know who you are, and I want to see you shine in all of that glory.

Sometimes, I just wish it would be years from now. I want to start my life and stop living in this in between. I want to graduate with a BS/MS in Accouting and a BBA in General Business, pass the CPA exam and be working at a small accouting firm. I want to be married to the perfect nerd and have the perfect little family together. If only it were that simple...

Home

I really failed when I lowered my goal to blogging once a week, but I still want to do it... starting now! ;)
It has been a month and a half since I have been home. That is crazy for me. My freshman and sophmore year, I was home every weekend, and last semester it went to once every 3 or 4 weeks. I didn't mean to stay away for this long. after the snowpocolypse all I wanted to do was come home. I had Bruce cabin fever.

There is no place like home. It feels great to be home with my family.  My dad's birthday was yesterday. I didn't see him Friday night when I got home because he was sleeping, but I did see his face light up when I came downstairs Saturday morning. I feel bad for staying away for so long, but things got busy at school. Hence the not blogging for so long. Dad's birthday was pretty chill and we had some awesome food. My sister made pasta with grilled veggies and a carrot cake with applesauce instead of eggs. I made pina coladas for the family. Yum :) Yesterday was also my baby girl Axell's birthday. I wish I could have celebrated with her and her family, but you know the sitch.

It's funny that I haven't had any tests so far, but the one weekend I come home I have to study for two coming up this week. My Finance test is tomorrow, JOY!  A bonus about coming home is free laundry! I have been busy working on this ridiculous accounting project for about a month. We are still not done, but it's due next week. I have been pretty good about working since I got back to school. I started out going to the gym everyday, but then the snowpocalypse happened. After that Axell and I started Insanity workout videos with the boys. They are crazy! I have never been so sore in my life, but it gets better. I feel bad because I haven't done it in a week, but we are always working on the accounting project whenever the boys are doing Insanity. I can't wait for this project to be over. I am gonna get back on track! The good news is I didn't gain any of that weight back over the break! Now I just want to get back in shape and feel good.

Okay well I really do need to get back to studying. Blog again soon :)

Back to Bruce :)

I realize that I wasn't successful in the unrealistic goal to blog everyday, but I still want to do this. I think once a week is completely doable. So here we go!

The semester starts on Tuesday! I have been back in Bruce since Monday and I finished my last final last Tuesday. It went well and I got the grade I wanted in that class. Bruce is amazing as always! I miss the RA's that didn't come back this semester, but these rookies aren't so bad ;) It makes me so happy to be back with my friends! We are already on the ball with BHA planning programs and stuff for this semester. I am so excited about the great ideas that we have, and even some of the ones we are planning with the RA's. It's gonna be a fantastic semester!

I think I am gonna try being more gutsy this semester. I am not gonna hold myself back because of the fear of failing or rejection. My motto is "No Regrets! Be A Man!" and I will live up to it for sure. I have already started some of the things on my list of resolutions, and my spirits are high! Wish me luck on a good semester!

To New Beginnings!!!

I am back home and now it's time to start studying for that accounting exam I had postponed because of my hand. I e-mailed the teacher to schedule a time, so we'll see what day I have to take it. I am supposed to be back in Bruce on the 10th for training. Hopefully I can take it after that so I don't have to make a special trip to Denton. I can't wait to be back home! I love Bruce! This semester has to be better. I have so many new goals and I am determined to complete as many as I can. Mostly this semester is going to be about finding my path to God. Like I talked about before, I plan on praying more and meditating. I need a daily routine in my life. My mom was going through her prayer stuff, and she found a couple of books that she gave me. The best thing was a copy of the Bhagavad Gita with Sanskrit writing and translations in English. I already started looking through it and it is the simplest explanations I have ever seen. I am excited to read every page of it. I am ready for this new journey and I am ready for all of the lessons and stories it has to offer. I find hope in this. I know God has a plan for me, and I am ready for  this new beginning. <3